Who is Nell Escobar Coakley? Nell is the Chief Typist and Bottle Washer at the all-new Michael J. McGlynn Transcript, named after his great, great, great, great grandfather Michael J. McGlynn the first. Also known as Wicked-Joke-l dot com, Nell is the 6th cousin of Medford's own Martha Coakley whose husband, former State Trooper Thomas F. O'Connor Jr. (whose State Trooper colleagues intentionally failed to vote for his wife to be Senator) doesn't want to see his name in print.
O'Connor is alleged to be Mike McGlynn's cousin, which is why should've-been-jailbirds John Lonergan and Bocci with Bobby Covelle got slaps on the wrists from the woman-who-would-be-Governor instead of the hard time that they deserve. Hopefully, Martha will give Tino Zapatti and Frankie Two Face the jailtime she was supposed to give Lonergan and Covelle. Nell Coakley won't write about any of this stuff because tens of thousands of dollars flow from City Hall into the Transcript coffers, and we have the public records request to prove it, so this line in this parody ain't no parody. Martha, don't give Frankie Two-Face and your neighbor Ronny a hard time, just give them hard time and be done with it! If McGlynn doesn't get indicted, Martha will appoint him to some no-show thing, if she becomes Governor. File under: KISSIN' COUSINS! You won't find this stuff in the Medford Blandscript because Nick Iovino is not allowed to pick up the rocks in Medford to find the snakes. Nell's got Iovino convinced the snakes don't exist...he was hired because he's deaf, dumb, blind and willing to trade a paycheck for his integrity, or lack thereof.
In ten years Iovino is going to realize he sold his soul cheap. And with all the money she's
making Nell should at least get her hair done twice a year. She sometimes looks like she's competing with Maggie "Wreck of the Hesperus" Weeks - the nutty clerk over at Somerville District Court who comes to work with her Medusa hairdo to scare unsuspecting defendants. These gals must work at having their hair such a mess on a daily basis, or maybe it's some new spray that keeps the cluster of frizzies in place, who knows?
Have Aunty Nell on your desk at school and watch the teacher flunk you!
Comes with index card photos of public figure/write-in-candidate/lazy, good for nothing grandpa stalker Arthur Alan Deluca guaranteed to scare your friends into thinking that he's the resurrection of John Wayne Gacy. The index cards are selling as many units as Deluca got signatures to run for Mayor, which is a number that is stuck at ZERO. Haul-Mart is, instead, giving the index cards free to feed to the hungry Nell Jack-o-Lantern which chomps on Deluca, to the delight of all the students in Jen McGlynn Belanger's third-grade water color class. In fact, Jennifer is so out of touch and lacking in creativity that she just chomps on her apples the parents of students are forced to give her while the children paint water color images of Nell as Ms. O'Lantern while turning the Deluca index cards into tiny paper airplanes for Tino Zapatti's legal defense fund. No Park Marenteau jokes in the making of this parody.
Exclusive photo of Deluca in the John Wayne Gacy story proposed from the Dawn & Larry Corporation (how many corporations do they have?) Their film can't get off the ground because our investigation stopped the funding from unsuspecting Medford cable TV subscribers
From Wikipedia
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (March 17, 1942 – May 10, 1994) was an American serial killer and rapist, also known as the Killer Clown, who was convicted of the ...
Photo from Wikipedia
Nell posing as an Irish Jack-o-Lantern in a more casual moment
