452,874 @ 9:39 am
452,855 @ 9:24 am
452,663 @ 11:40 PM
211 since before midnight last night
- a delusional parody -
Dear Medford Residents:
Are you putting campaign signs of your favorite candidate on your lawn, only to find them moth-eaten and bitten to shreds?
One of Mayor McGlynn's surrogates has been accused of eating campaign signs. There's a dark video taken at 3 A.M. on Forest St. of a pudgy figure known to have consumed stolen Chinese food and stolen pizza hijacked from unsuspecting shop owners in his younger days. Somehow he got the butcher knife that he allegedly used on his grandma and has hacked down campaign signs.
Then, with a little pepper and relish, McGlynn's attack dog has purportedly eaten so many campaign signs that the elastic band the doctors put around his tummy appears to have snapped, like his brain.
The video is so poorly made that it is hard to discern exactly who the waddling joker is. What you can see is short steps and a clumsy swaying motion as the butcher boy allegedly put the half-eaten signs into the baby carriage of his accomplice.
Sgt. Barry Clemente will issue a reverse 911 robo call CITI Connect or something to urge residents to put Gorilla glue on the signs every thirty minutes until the perpetrator of the stolen signs gets one permanently stuck to his face.
That would be an improvement and the problem of the missing signs will be solved.
When Candidate Stephony Muccini-Burke was asked her take on it, she was rather snippy "What the hell do I care? None of them were mine. In fact, the more of the other guy's signs that Paul eats, the more signs it looks like I have!"
Reporter: Did you say "Paul eats?"
Stephony: Go get your hearing check; I never said "other guy's signs Paul eats...excuse me while I get this phone call."
Phone caller: "Hey, Steph...burp...just ate a few more in South Medford. Especially at that empty store front where that owner refused to let you you have your campaign headquarters..."
Stephony (whispering) "good job...not now...I'm speaking to the only legitimate media in Medford...)
TO BE CONTINUED
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Officer Bryan Johnson of Millis was on the case in place of suspended detective Stephen LeBert but the culprits got away, so Johnson shot his own cruiser up in frustration. He's been fired and may soon be bunking with Stephen LeBert...in Walpole...at Cedar Junction.