______________________________
Phone rings...
"Criminal Limo Service, CR Limos, we can help you..."
Customer: "Don't you mean, can we help you? I want a limo service that doesn't send Park Marenteau out with my son and daughter for the prom."
CR Limo mumbling proprietor: Oh don't worry about Park Marenteau driving your kids, he's aleady quarter past Freddy, if you get my drift.
Is your son dating your daughter?
Customer-no-longer: You're disgusting.
CLICK
_______________________________
Phone Rings...
Customer: My daughter and her girlfriends are going to the prom. You do CORI check your drivers, right?
Criminal Limo Service: Look, lady, this isn't a taxi company where reprobate Camuso hands out licenses like they are pieces of candy the candy man swipes from Billerica House of Correction. No we do NOT Cori Check our drivers, we send them over to the Medford Housing Authority and give them the keys to the kingdom.
Caller: What does Marian Ryan think about this?
Criminal Limo: Think about it? Marian Ryan referred the sex offenders to our company!
Caller: What a novel rehabilitation program...
CLICK
Owner speaks into the camera at the new public access station: "At CR Limos, we pride ourselves in giving the dregs of society a second chance...and a third chance...and a fourth chance to molest your son or daughter, or maybe even you! Criminal Limo Service is just that, and like Sy Sperling with Hair Club For Men, I'm not only the owner, I'm more criminal than the repulsive malefactor that I might send out with your child on Prom Night. And don't worry...we tell the world that the sex offenders we hire are in the office only! What office? HA! Our offices ARE our limousines. CR Limos, live dangerously...
And our company is APPROVED by the Medfraud Chamber of Commerce. If you can't trust the chamber...as Nell Escobra Crookley might say at the weekly "newspaper"... Thank our lucky stars there is no real investigative reporter in Medfraud, Ethan, otherwise people might know the truth about the Valentine Sex Offender....or the varsity coach and a powerful politician's daughter. Not with "sweep it under the rug" Nell writing horrible things about a reporter and nothing about what really goes on in MEDFRAUD
ABSOLUTELY to be continued...in five days...
Parody.