925,641@12:11 am
925,543 @ 10:28 pm
185 in 311 minutes
Dear Residents,
PLEASE INVITE A THUG LIKE
ED BEANBAG TO YOUR SPECIAL DAY!
You're a pretty, young 22 year old
woman, you look stunning in that wedding gown; your husband is handsome
as handsome can be. Why ruin that with a good-looking clerk?
By having a sleepy, sloppy,
crude, angry city clerk officiating YOUR wedding there's a very good
chance you can get divorced at the same ceremony.
City Clerk Ed Beanbag and J. Dumpster Sports Videos are now offering YOU a $2500.00 package that will document YOUR SPECIAL DAY!
Award-winning director Jack Dumpster, teacher at Medford High School, gets 75K of public access TV monies. He wants to make a HIGHLIGHT reel of YOUR WEDDING at Medford City Hall with Ed Beanbag, city clerk.
Mr. Beanbag isn't pretty...but he's not the Elephant Man. (Come to think of it, the Elephant Man would at least be a conversation piece...oh, never mind...)
Now take a moment and...think about it. Some ugly, crude creep officiates YOUR wedding with the potential to go Vesuvius at any moment. How exciting! Old Ed Beanbag is like Bruce Banner, you never know if he's going to be a gentleman or a disruptive, green-skinned monster. Better than a roller coaster ride, ALL ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY!
By having a sleepy, sloppy, crude, angry city clerk officiating YOUR wedding there's a very good chance you can get divorced at the same ceremony.
JUST LOOK WHAT YOU GET FOR
TWO AND A HALF GRAND!
Jack Dumpster Sports Videos:
---DOES NOT use lav microphones. So if you or your new husband say something stupid, don't worry! You can barely hear the audio!
Chief Sacco and Chief Gilberti are known in Medford as silent film stars. Watch them on the government channel in Demp...duh...Dumpster videos - they never have to worry about saying the wrong thing because no one can ever hear them, which is how Muccini-Burke likes it and wants it.
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---We make sure Ed Beanbag, City Clerk, gets in the way of the ceremony, that way you do not have to look your best!
Years from now you will thank us. You will have so much sympathy having some fat slob from Medford City Hall desecrating your wedding photos that year after year people will feel sorry for you. A great attention getter.
For a little extra cash, you can obtain a false police report if you want to dump either spouse ...
FREE BONUS:
AND YOU CAN PICK ONE OR ALL OF THESE EXCITING BONUS TRACKS FOR THE DVD:
...SINISTER video threats from Jimmy Lebert,
...a punch in the mouth from Shawn Lee
...and a real live murder with disgraced cop Stephen Lopez.
Weddings have never been so much fun - OR obscenely expensive as with Ed Beanbag, City Clerk, and Jack Dumpster Silent Movies, a division of Dumpty Humpty Jack's Sports Video Highlight Reels.
LIMO SERVICE
With the closure of A Bland Arrival Limo Service due to alleged forgery of a fake partner who didn't even know he had signed the corporate papers, we use CR Limos - Criminal Limos Medford. You may find a dead sex offender driving you on your special night and if you all go over the Zakim Bridge and it all ends abruptly...think of how romantic it will be...and Jack Dumpster will catch it all - a silent movie grand finale...
It will be a true ENDLESS LOVE because your beautiful wedding in the hands of these criminals is projected to last a mere two hours!
A karaoke version of Lionel Ritchie's Endless Love will play as your car submerges and you die happy!
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We wish this were a plain old parody but, unfortunately for Medford residents, it is not. It is a DELUSIONAL PARODY
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Endorsements
"I heard yelling" City Council President Rick Caraviello on the witness stand on 1/31/17 in Cambridge District Court in reference to an incident Ed Beanbag was involved in (the victim was silent and took the bashing from the city clerk, so think of how violent and ugly your wedding can get)
"An apt description...this is a great day for Medford residents...for $30.00 I can write flowery words to describe your wonderful day and lie my ass off...but I assure you, it will look fantastic now, tomorrow, thirty years from now..."
Malark E. Rumley, former City Solicitor
PLEASE INVITE A THUG LIKE
ED BEANBAG TO YOUR SPECIAL DAY!
You're a pretty, young 22 year old
woman, you look stunning in that wedding gown; your husband is handsome
as handsome can be. Why ruin that with a good-looking clerk?
By having a sleepy, sloppy,
crude, angry city clerk officiating YOUR wedding there's a very good
chance you can get divorced at the same ceremony.
