Hi People,
Madame Knight here, the official liaison to the dead people of Medford.
You, my loyal following, faithfully vote for me. I have one of the largest constituencies ...and really appreciate all the dead votes that I get as your city councilor.
No one else cares. That's why I want you, your friends and your loved ones to continue voting for me.
I promise to do the only job I know, reading YOUR obituary and praising you after you're gone...when you can't bother me anymore.
In fact, it is exactly because you can't file a public records request to see who votes for me that I am forever your humble servant. More of you people that have passed on vote for me every election...and I don't have to do a damn thing for you but praise you after you've kicked the bucket and take your vote.
So, please, those about to hit the banana peel and fly off to the beyond, support me and I will praise you when you come to your inevitable end.
I don't do ANYTHING to help the living except to make more restrictions at the council and deny Charter Review and Charter Change.
Remember, when all your hateful, spiteful friends, enemies and family members that loathe you won't even pitch in for No News Nell's expensive ink in the Medford Transcript, I'm here praising you for free.
Thanks for your vote, dead people of Medford.
I simply couldn't do it without you.
NOTE: THIS PUBLICATION USUALLY RUNS PARODIES. THIS AIN'T ONE OF THEM.
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