The good thing about religion is that you can forgive people AND pray for them.
When you've got a very good thing going, and when someone has "issues" regarding a former marriage and unresolved a, b, c, d, e, f, g... you have to protect your own emotional state.
And that's a sign of maturity.
He wonders why I pray for the ex wife, (and she is crazy...)
a)She's a human being
b)she's the mother of your kids
c)without them breaking up we would have never met. I thank her for introducing us, inadvertently.
He doesn't get it, the anger for her is so overwhelming that it impacts all around us.
So I had to back away.
Send out good thoughts. He loathes his ex mother in law. Never met the woman, so I send her good vibes. It takes no great effort from me to send good thoughts out to someone I do not know, in fact it is easier since I have had no interaction whatsoever.
Have you heard of the studies on SMILING?
Smiling doesn't seem like a particularly complicated act: You feel a happy emotion, the corners of your mouth turn up, your cheeks lift and your eyes crinkle. ... According to many experts, smiling may not only be an outward manifestation of a happy feeling. It may actually be able to cause a happy feeling.
Smile! It Could Make You Happier
Making an emotional face—or suppressing one—influences your feelings
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/
What is also helpful is people who make you happy.
"He" has done things that have made me happy, but the divorce thing is too much, you would need hours to know the true depth of their baggage that - at my age - is a bit much for me to deal with.
Am I being selfish? God, no. I've put in my efforts, just as I have with the access television issues. A smart older guy guiding someone out of the stormy waters of the end of a marriage is an incredible asset.
But being the "water boy" is not what Joe signed up for, and society protects seniors for a very good reason: WE ARE SENIORS and we don't have the strength that we had 20 years ago.
Forgiveness, especially for people you do not know who are "in the mix" but out of your sphere, just send a smile and good thoughts.
Let them have the "battle royale" - but I have to go about MY business and when their battle reaches a level where they can be civil, then you won't be the "rebound" for people who are too obsessed with their daily hissing contest, two adults acting like jerks and irresponsible people when, you know what, the kids should come first, not last.
And if their battles are more important than even their own kids, where the fxxx do I fit in?
And that's a quote from someone in our circle, a quote that makes all the sense in the world
to be continued
