Monday, October 8, 2012

Pt 1 & Pt 2 - The Dalai Lama visits Medford


“We are beyond delighted that His Holiness the Dalai Lama will again be visiting Kurukulla Center and thereby fulfilling one of Geshe Tsulga’s dying wishes,” says Geshe Tenley, who was recently awarded the Key to the City by Medford Mayor Michael J. McGlynn. “We believe that this visit will bring blessings to everyone: neighbors, the people of Boston and Massachusetts, and all beings.”

Extra-long black car pulls up to Medford Chamber of Commerce.  Dalai Lama has thumb out hitch-hiking.  
As the big limousine pulls up a woman sticks her head out of the window and yells:
KB: Are you the Dalai Lama?
D.L.: Bingo!
KB:  Get in.
D.L.: And what do I call you, my lovely?
KB: My name is Kathleen. Dad said to get over here and pick you up before the opposition gets to you first.
D.L.: Kathleen what?
KB: Brady.

D.L.: Oh, related to the football star

KB:  No.
D.L.:  Where are we going?
KB: We have to stop off at Aunt Bernadette's house and meet Uncle John Davis at 287 Governors Ave.

D.L.: Is he the Governor?
KB: No.  If that were true there would be an apostrophe at the end of Governor's in this parody, you silly Dalai!  And certainly not with the MBTA scandal going on.

DL:  Hey, I'm His Holiness!

KB: And my daddy is His Magnificence, you two want to get into a spitball contest or something?

DL:You disrespectful ingrate!   I might have to call the U.N. on you.

KB: Don't even bother, in my last life I worked there. They hate you.   Here we are!  Aunty Bernadette, Uncle John, I have the Dalllllii Lami with me.

DL: It's the Dalai Lama!
JD:  Hey Mr. Lama, pleased to meet you - would you like a Charlie Card?

KB:  We have to descend to the depths of Governors Ave now, Uncle John, next stop is to see cousin David.

Bernadette, Jonathan and the Dalai all pile into the limo as they head down the hill to see cousin David.
Limo pulls up to the offices at Zero Governors Ave.   A loud voice is yelling out a broken window on High Street: "I'm going to kill you. My three sons are going to strangle you.  I'm going to beat the S#)#T out of You!  You'd better get a body guard."

KB: Hey, Cousin David, calm down.  What is it, people think they can get free time on Project Open Voice or some access platform on Verizon or something?

David Skerry yells down to the street: "Hi Kathleen, Hi Daleei Lama...I'll be right down."

Mr. Skerry jumps into the limousine and it pulls off and heads to the Elks club.
DL: Where are we going now?  

Attorney Skerry: Have to pick up my brother-in-law John Granara. 

DL: Does he work at the Elks club?

DPS: Of course not.  He drinks at the Elks club.  
DL: Do I need a lawyer? 

DPS: Well you can't hire me.  In this town you have to go OUT of town if you want justice. Here's a card...just call Jack McGlynn

  • McGlynn & McGlynn
  • 116 S. Charles St
  • Belleville, IL 62220
DL: But why can't I hire you?

DPS: Call Jack McGlynn.  No one's allowed to take a client in this city unless Jack gets the offer first.
DL: Strange, I didn't think we were in China anymore.

DPS: You aren't.  This is Havana North.
Limousine arrives at the Elk's Club.
JG:  Brother-in-Law, Cousin Jonathan!  Cousin Bernie!

DL:  You know all these people?

JG: Anyone in Medford who is anyone is related to someone

Dalai L displays puzzled look on his face.

John Granara: By the way, Dah Lee Lami, are you related to police officer Jim Lee?

Dalai Lama: What is it with you Medford people and your interaction with your relatives.  Even in China inbreeding is so passe'.  Have you never heard of crop rotation? 

David P Skerry: "John"

Both Granara and Davis respond "Yes"

DPS: OK, how about that dandruff on your suit?

JG: No, was just shredding a little before you picked me up
Dalai Lama: Shedding?

Davis, Granara, Skerry in unison: SHREDDING


PART II  below
this is a delusional parody.  Don't believe a word of it.   To be continued...we have to fill up the limousine with 4 dozen relatives for the Dalai Lama
John Granara leaves Elk's Club (hiccup) and gets into the vehicle

JG: Anyone got a beer?

Bernadette McGlynn Davis: John, this is His Holiness, the Dalai Lama!

JG: You got a beer, Dalai?

D.L.: Confucius say "this is what happens when cousins marry."

JG: What happens?

DL: The City of Medford!

JG: Hey Kathleen, Confucius also say "It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."

KMB:  Great idea.  (Kathleen McGlynn Brady steps on the gas and starts flying through stop signs giving the Dali Lama a ride from hell)

Dali Lama:  What is she doing?

Bernadette:  Kathleen is giving you a little joy ride for your smart ass comments about our city!

Dalai Lama:  Give me that lawyer's number again.  I'm going to sue her for the intentional infliction of Emotional Distress

David Skerry:  I tried that already and just lost under Judge Daniel Wrenn.  Better call this number:

McGlynn & McGlynnLinkedIn

McGlynn & McGlynn is a Law Firm in Red Bluff, California

Attorney at Law
McGlynn & McGlynn provides a full service practice, serving Tehama, Shasta, Glenn and Butte Counties by offering a wide range of legal services.

Jonathan R. Davis: Yeah, you're going to need a lawyer from out of state to save your sorry Butte County, oh Holy one!

Dalai: And will the judge think it's a Medford McGlynn?

John G: Boy are you ever out of touch, Dalai! That's where we stash all our illicit cash. We make up lawfirms named McGlynn & McGlynn all over the U.S. of A., much better than Mitt Romney sticking it all in a Swiss Account and having to plead out under the amnesty offer.  Why do you think he keeps his tax returns hidden?

Dalai Lama:  Medford....Medford...not Tibet...not Montreal...not London...has it really come down to this?   I've been marked down. This is like playing the old Jumbo's Lounge in Somerville...the last rung on the rock & roll ladder...I'm in the incestuous City of Medford

Limousine stops at the McGlynn School.

JG: Well it just got worse for you, Dalia, if you can't stand McGlynn before you even met him, look at the name on this school.

Young woman gets into the vehicle as the Dalai is disgusted.

Dalai: And who might you be.

JB: Jen Belanger!  

Dalai: Oh, thank the driver a different last name, two people NOT named McGlynn.    Perhaps I'm saved.  Hey, who is that fat man upside down on the curb here on Spring Street?  He looks like an upside down Buddah!

John Granara: Oh, that's State Rep Paul Donato.  He just wanted to get your attention.

Dalai Lama: But that makes no sense.

Granara: Double Dipping Donato makes dollars and cents.  And maybe some yen.

Dalai Lama: The yen is Japanese

Granara:  Yen, renminbi, yuan, whatever, it's all the same, isn't it?  And since they permanently exported you, be lucky you ARE in Medford or I'll see about shipping you back to the foothills of the Himalayas

Dalai Lama: On March 31, 1959 I escaped to India!

The spiritual leader of Tibet, the Dalai Lama, crosses the border into India after an epic 15-day journey on foot over the Himalayan mountains. 

John G: So perhaps Confucius say you're ripe and it's time to ship you back!

Dalai Lama: For 53 years I've been in exile, and I can tell you from personal experience once the people start reading Medford Information Central it is YOU who will start running for the Himalayan Mountains oh former Special Sheriff

Granara:  Confucius say Him a bit Testy

Jonathan Davis: Him a bit lucky he is in a limo and doesn't have a Charlie Card...let's put him on a bus and let him really mix with the people!

Dalai Lama: Confucius, Jon Davis, say "Man who is Chief Financial Officer of MBTA whose brother-in-law lobbyist Jack from Salem was fired from the MBTA by the Governor, just like Uncle Gene McGillicuddy was removed by same Governor from Medford Housing Authority,  better shut mouth before we allege connection to Salem/Revere scammers who bilked 4 mill from said MBTA

John Granara: He's got you there. I'll drink to that!

SALEM -- A man and woman from Revere allegedly printed and sold more than 20,000 unauthorized MBTA passes worth more than $4 million, using to find customers for their "ghost passes" and depositing the profits in 45 different bank accounts, a prosecutor said today at their arraignment.

Part III   On to the Cambridge Dept. of Recreation & Conversation!   And then...His Holiness meets his magnificence at the Medford Housing Authority with John Lonergan, Bob Covelle and the gang!