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___________________________________________If you read this you are certified DELUSIONAL, but that's ok, it is guaranteed to make you laughhhhhhh at a bunch of full-of-themselves stuffed shirts.
Why we don't have Access TV in Medford
They are squelching this specific proposed TV show
THE JUDGE JOHN BYERS SHOW
STARRING:
Judge John Byers
featuring Pro Se Jose
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Docket #y306vl
Medfraud vs Adolescent Reprobates working for Mayor
The Charge: Mayor hiring underage employees
The Defendants:
Darth Stephanie Mussolini Beserk
Underage Jane Doe #1
Underage Jane Duo #2
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for the Defense, your honor, Mr. DACOEM
Judge Byers: You look familiar
Atty Dacoem: Well, I should, Johnny, I sent a subpoena your way about 5 years ago.
Judge Byers: Did you change your name?
Atty Dacoem: Damn right I did; after all those losses I was subjected to in court and Judge Singh yelling at me.
Judge Byers: So what language do you speak with a name like Dacoem?
Atty Dacoem: English, your honor. That's not a name, it's an anacronym.
Judge Byers: Acronym. Have you been drinking again?
Atty Dacoem: No, no, no...oh excuse me (Atty Dacoem picks up his teeth off the floor like he did in front of Judge Wrenn, Judge Jarasitis, Judge Singh, Judge White, Judge Gailey, Judge Jackson-Thompson, Judge Murtagh, Judge Sragow, Judge Holtz...the list goes on...) a little nip in the afternoon never hurt anyone, your Honor.
Judge Byers: And what, God help us, does this anachornizm or whatever you call your own acronym stand for ?
Atty Dacoem: Drunk Antagonistic Cousin of Ex mayor.
Judge Byers: I won't ask from which city as we don't want to get sued by the likes of you on our first show.
How do you plead your clients, Atty Dacoem?
Atty D: GUILTY, your honor
Stephanie starts yelling from the back of the room
Judge Byers: And why would you throw your own clients under the bus before we even get done with the arraignment?
Atty Dacoem: Hell, your Honor, i got over 100k from the last round of TV3 trials, she's got $500,000.00 sitting in a bank account and I deserve some of it, even if I'm retiring.
Judge Byers: I will grant your request for me to take this under advisement if you demand the other 400K so that we can open a new access station to put this nonsense on the air live?
Atty Dacoem: Deal. A quid pro quo, a man after my own heart...and I only put you under subpoena, Judge, because they were about to file witness intimidation charges against Dr. Rabies.
Judge Byers; I know it, you know it, Mussolini-Beserk knows it. However, I caution you, Attorney, these are very serious charges of hiring underage juvenile delinquents in a high position at city hall. Say, for instance, if one of them has a boyfriend related to the mayor and he breaks up with her? You see the dilemma for both this Honorable Court and for the City?
Atty Dacoem: I do your Honor, but I need the money, there's a cruise with a bunch of 60s rockers I am going to invite an old friend to go with me on if you give me a little more time.
Judge Byers: Under advisement until the mayor comes to her senses. But I caution you again, be careful whom you invite to your booze cruise; I know that you in particular are not his type. Now get the hell out of my court room, David.
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Docket # y307vl
Medfraud vs. The Right Reverend Flip Lies
The Charge: Out of town reprobate interfering in city politics and being belligerent on Twitter and Facebook
Attorney Weresa Talsh for the Defendant from
THE FIRST YEAR LAW STUDENTS OF ZUFTS UNIVERSITY WHO GET TO TRY CASES WHEN THE CLIENT IS GUILTY AS SIN
Judge John Byers: Attorney Talsh, first I want to say I'm sorry that you got booted from City Hall with that 212,840.00 job.
Atty Weresa Talsh: That's 106,420.00, your honor.
Judge John Byers: Times two years for that stolen election
Defendant Rev. Flip Lies starts flipping out "What about my case? They didn't steal the election. This is Religious Discrimination and abuse of my First Amendment rights under the U.S. I've been targeted, they are fixated on me...
Judge John Byers: One more outburst from you, Mr. Lies and this court will hold you in contempt.
The right reverend doesn't give up, especially when he's so very wrong, he gets mouthing off. "I'll fire my attorney and get Sex Stupor to represent me and charge it back to the city...I'll...
A court officer slaps some masking tape on the pudgy old friar's mouth...
Judge John Byers: That's better. Now, Attorney Talsh, may I call you Jeanne?
Atty Weresa Talsh: That's my middle name, but you may, your Honor.
Judge Byers; Thank God, otherwise I'd need the other attorney's nip bottle to get through this trial saying Weresa Talsh all morning and afternoon. Now, about this stolen election. Aren't you an expert on election law?
Atty Talsh: Why, yes I am, your honor, you are so studied on this case.
Judge Byers; Well, of course, I've run for mayor a few times and intend to run again once I figure out how they keep stealing the darn things.
Atty Talsh: I can help you with that, your Honor, I was the Advisor to Mayor Darth Stephanie Mussolini-Beserk...
Judge Byers; I know. So how did you slide all those Zufts students from the Wonkchester line over to the Medfraud line so that they could vote and help twist the election, Jeanne?
Atty Talsh: Well, Judge Byers, you see, Zufts was busy busy busy putting on a play in the Dumbo Finn The Elephant room and it was Hogan's Heroes where I got to play Sgt. Schultz, so while an assistant clerk from Kalamazoo with a dirty mouth and a reprobate with a meat cleaver were shuffling a manila envelope around after the election, I was onstage saying "I know NOTHING...NOTHING...."
Judge Byers; Great alibi, Jeanne.
Suddenly the Rev. Flip Lies gets the masking tape off of his mouth after a Houdini move to get his pudgy fingers and wrists out of the cuffs and he starts screaming again: "What about my case? There was no stolen election! They could have used Made in Medford or Channel 1 or the Contiguous channels of Verizon? So what if I screwed the community out of access TV...they are fixated on me, FIXATED FIXATED FIXATED
Atty Weresa Talsh: Judge, would you go for a plea bargain?
Judge: After you tell me about all those fraudulent votes from the Venusian Church!
Atty Weresa Talsh: What the hell do I know about the 550 votes from the Venusian Church? I know as much about it as you do,, for when I stumbled on those votes that's when that bald guy and Darth Mussolini-Beserk frog-marched me out of my 106k job!
Judge Byers: We know that! The whole city knows that...we just want to know if you've talked to the feds yet...
Attyy Talsh: -------------------- (silence)
Judge Byers; OK, how does your client plead?
Atty Talsh: Plead? After all these outbursts? I want about as much to do with him as I want with the law office at the horrible place. Throw the book at him!
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LUNCH BREAK
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Next:
Medford vs Eu Not Very Nice
Medford vs. The Alias in the Baby Carriage
